I Need Therapy

Oh blog how I have missed you so! So many times I had brilliant ideas to turn into funny, interesting or just plain sweet things about life I wanted to share. So many times I collapsed into my bed at 7:30 and never made it happen. It is cold and not very snugly in that desk chair. My bed is warm and has a sweet little 2 year old in it to snuggle. My sweet little 2 year old I only see a few short hours a day. WWYD???

So tonight I am making it happen. In bed while laying down holding the iPad with my left hand and typing with one finger on my right while soaking up the heat and sweet smell of my freshly bathed princess. I have really just felt like I needed some writing therapy. It is like having a good cry without all of the tears and sobbing and shit. And much more effective than making a FB status update. Way too many people use FB as therapy these days and I have to say that I find it equally entertaining and completely annoying. So many times I just want to tell people to shut.the.fuck.up. And that would be rude. And I am never rude! ;) The election was enough to take me over the edge. So many times I typed snide or smartass comments to self righteous, ignoramus all around dumbfuckery only to chicken out and delete them. I didn't have the time or energy to get into what would surely turn into a debate of wits. My wits are pretty slow these days. Can people just own a set of beliefs without shoving them down your throat repeatedly with a bunch of photoshop and pic art propaganda? Must they belittle every opinion out there that does not match their own? Can people not have civilized debates backed by factual information? I was so looking forward to election day so that it could all finally be over. Nope. Same obnoxiousness. Much gloating. Lots of Bitter Bettie's.

I miss home. I feel like I am never in it. Just a big adjustment that even almost 2 months into I am having a hard time with. Place is a wreck!! Makes it worse to be gone all day and come home to tornado, whining hungry kid town. We are especially out of sorts because we just had our downstairs floors refinished. We are also repainting our kitchen cabinets. We have no furniture until Friday when the new stuff is delivered and my kitchen is emptied. We are living on fast food and hanging in the cold dirty ass basement eating off TV trays. I am seriously not complaining though. My floors are gorgeous and it will all be so lovely when it is done and everything is back in it's place. I have been waiting years.....yes years for this. Oh and guess who is getting a dishwasher???? Me me meeeeeee! Get to pick it up on the 20th. No more damned dishpan hands here!

Man typing this with one finger is taking forever. My left hand is going numb from holding the iPad. Enough therapy for one night? I guess. Although it feels unfinished.

Felt good. :)

Hi Ho Hi Ho

So it has been more than a week since I went back to work. All in all it has been good. The kids and I have all gotten into our new routine pretty easily and we haven't had too much drama in the morning. When I worked before I had to be there at 7 am. So I had to get up, get ready, get the kids up and ready and out the door by 6:20 to get them to daycare by 6:30. And then it was a race to work. So stressful. It was chaotic every damn day. Kaleb is the slowest damn kid ever in the morning and the struggle with him and getting his hair combed to my satisfaction was and will probably always be our biggest issue. Not to mention it takes him 20 minutes to just get dressed. So slow! Now I don't have to be there until 8 am and let me tell you that hour makes a HUGE difference!

I didn't mention before but my new job is really kind of my old job. The place I worked before outsourced the work to a new company and the new company hired me. Same building, same department, a lot of the same people. It is strange because I was happy as hell to get out of there and away from the BS and drama and move on with my life. Going back, even though to a new company, new management and new company culture was very nerve wrecking at first. I just felt like there was going to be all of this bad juju floating around. It was crazy awkward the first couple of days but each day has gotten easier and it almost feels as if I never left. I have to say that the new company seems great and seems like they are all about making good changes and being focused on the job at hand. I am happy to be working for them.

I am really freaking exhausted though. Holy shit am I exhausted. Now I didn't forget how busy and tiring it is to work and raise kids and take care of a household and all that BS. It was seriously all I could think about for the last month leading up to my re-entry to the workforce. I was dreading it and now that it is here I am really feeling it. All the busyness will never go away nor will my responsibilities be lightened anytime soon but I will eventually get used to it. I find myself at about 2 in the afternoon, exhausted and bored in training daydreaming of my couch where at that time of the day I was usually relaxing holding my napping baby girl. Damn that was the good life!! :)

I miss my girl so much! She loves her daycare and never wants to leave in the evening when I pick her up. She loves playing with all of the kids and toys and getting to go to the playground every single day. The first day I dropped her off I was expecting some drama but she was so busy checking everything out and talking to the kids she didn't even notice I left. Truth be told it made me a little sad. It also made it easier to walk out of there without the need to bawl my eyes out all of the way to work. I should have known. She is a social butterfly just like her mama! Kaleb is super excited to be back with all of his before and after school buddies too!

I am trying to decide what direction to take this blog in now that my original theme no longer applies. I am thinking that it will just be an anything goes theme and I will just write about whatever I am feeling like writing about. I really just want something that my kids can look back on and read and know what their mama was like when they were little, what they were like and just how much I love them. With every ounce of my being. And that is a lot of ounces folks! ;)

I Wrote This and Didn't Cry :) It's a Miracle

It is almost over. I have 4 days and 3.5 hours until it is Monday and I go back to the world of the working. Sigh. I am excited to go back to work. I am excited about the job I got. I am excited to be working with some great people. I am excited that after months of applying to every job under the sun that someone finally hired me!

I planned on spending this week tying up loose ends, cleaning and organizing my house for sanity's sake and spending lots of quality time with Lilah. Well there is something about knowing that I am about to go back to working mom, slave to the man and everything else I just don't freaking care about all that shit. I did some cleaning and stuff but why waste my last free days cleaning when it will just all be wrecked a day later and have to be done again? I am just going to enjoy my next few days and enjoy my family before all the chaos begins again.

It has been such a great 10 months. The most enjoyable and happy time of my life for so many reasons. The time with my family has been the best part. I got to spend all day every day with my baby girl. I got to see her grow and develop and not miss a single second of it. We have developed such a special relationship that I am not sure we would have if I had never had this opportunity. I love her so much! I got her potty trained too! Bonus. I got to spend the entire summer with Kaleb. We went to the amusement park, water park, plain old park, movies, bowling and just had a great summer together. He is getting so big. Before I know it he won't be interested in doing things like this with mom and I am so happy we got this time now. And I got to be with Josh more. We worked opposite schedules and really only spent any time together on the weekends. We got to be with each other every single day. And we were happy about it!

I took the time to learn some new recipes, made some pretty things, read some books for the first time in years and did a lot of RELAXING!!! That has always been somewhat of a foreign word in my existence as a mother. The time I had off let me realize that you have got to stop and smell the roses even when you are busy as hell because the roses smell GOOD!!!

Hopefully I can slip back into a routine with ease and not let the stress of all being a full time employee, wife and mother get the best of me. I can do this. I actually WANT to do this! Go me.

I leave you with pics of moments that would not have happened if I hadn't been home!