Merry Christmas Dumbalinas!!! :)

Tonight I spent the night with the most amazing and INTELLIGENT women anyone can ever be blessed to know. They are my best friends and I love them with all of my heart. We had our annual Christmas party which has been a tradition going on 13 years! I look forward to it every year and this evening was no exception. We have always exchanged gifts and played games and reminisced about memorable nights of our friendships every year this time of year. It is one night I look forward every day of my life.

Over the years the night has evolved from nights of exchanging gifts with each other and partying all night at a club to putting money together to provide needs and wants to the less fortunate and needy. Over time we have realized that we are the fortunate, the people who have homes and families and friends who we love and they love us back. We need nothing and the wants we have are frivolous and really ridiculous in comparison to the ones we are helping. It is the one day of my life I truly feel like I have helped someone.

We met up at about 4:00 pm and went shopping. Between 6 women and a few hundred dollars between us we bought games, toddler toys, Superman and Barbie toys and skateboards. Danielle works for Kansas City Power and Light and they matched almost 50% of our donation! It felt amazing to know that we were helping make people in our city's Christmas brighter!

As usual we shared a meal, stories of past memories, many laughs, and as good friends always have, many tears. I feel blessed to know these women and have them in my life. I know that I drank too much wine and  talked too much and interrupted too often.  But I know that I was amongst friends...my best friends.. and would not be judged or talked about or ridiculed later. I was amongst my family of friends who know me and accept me for the imperfect person, woman and friend that I am. And they know they can't call me out on it later because they know that at some point in our life together I have seen them 100x's WORSE...and vice versa! Or they can say as much as they want and I will say........alright, alright, I know, shut up already!! And that is okay because we are cool like that!

I attempted a group self portrait at one point and think I might have succeeded but am honestly too drunk to find my phone with a dead battery and charge it and then upload pictures as obviously needed to back up the story of this epic night that we had...HA HA! Okay maybe EPIC is not really the correct word to use for the night but I think that it was pretty fucking spectacular! Maybe I will update with a not so great group portrait tomorrow when I am better focused! By the way ladies.....it is laundry time!!! :)

***Ok so I came in today and cleaned up the language! My 8 year old might read this for crying out loud! I also added the below picture. It is blurry and bad as it was taken from Mindy's cell phone. Pictured are Susan and Jen (top row) Mindy W., Mindy D. and me (bottom). Not pictured is Danielle who was with us in the earlier part of the evening but had left before all of the fun started and this photo was taken. Don't worry we gave her lots of hell for leaving early! :)

Reality Bites

It has been almost 4 weeks since I have joined the ranks of the unemployed. Is it right to say unemployed when I have no desire to be employed? It has been quite an emotional  roller coaster! I am very happy about being home and being with my baby girl all day. That is the one constant that keeps me from being TOTALLY freaked out! I can't help it. It is not in my nature to go with the flow. I am a planner. To not know what is going to come next for me is frightening. I am terrified.

I think what terrifies me the most is that I am going to be really crappy at this stay at home mom thing. I had such high expectations of myself. At first I was on a roll, a lot of cooking and trying new recipes, cleaning and lots of time playing with Lilah. I have found lately that I am getting distracted easily and lazy and not doing anything some days. The computer is the worst distractor ever! I can sit down to balance my checkbook, pay bills, look up a recipe and get sucked in to FaceBook, Pinterest, Blogger and all of the new and interesting things they lead me to. Not to mention the online shopping! I get an email from Old Navy about a sale and I spend 40 minutes looking at everything, trying to find good deals to never end up buying anything because, duh, I am unemployed and that would be stupid! Lilah does not need another piece of freaking clothing no matter how cute or cheap it is! Goal for week 5: stay focused and stay off the damn computer! ;)

Another big terrifying factor is money! In this economy it is really not feasible for us to live off of one income, especially when all of our bills reflect the lifestyle of a two income family. The major expense of daycare has been eliminated but I still need to bring in some money unless we want to eliminate all of the fun out of our lives completely. I have been brainstorming trying to come up with something to avoid working full time for now. I will be crafty and sell my crafts on Etsy, I will clean houses, I will bartend on the weekends, I will be a famous blogger...ha ha ha!

Or maybe it just isn't meant to be and I will rejoin the ranks of the overly exhausted, desperate for some time to do anything but just meet the minimum requirements of woman, wife and mother who loathes her boss and daydreams in a cubicle daily of the short time during her life where she was exuberantly happy and blessed to be doing what she truly wanted to do.

Mountain Woman Mary's No Bake Cheesecake

I got a couple of "That looks delicious" and "Yums" when I posted a picture of the cherry cheesecake I made for Thanksgiving on Facebook so I thought I would share my recipe! My mom is probably going to kill me because it has been in our family for years and since it was always her signature dessert and now mine she will probably be livid that I am sharing. 

This recipe came from a woman that my Grandpa Wayne was 'dating' in the late 80's. He brought her down from Montana and stayed for a month in our driveway in a travel trailer. I remember that we called her Mountain Woman Mary and that she was an excellent cook! She had also passed on a recipe for Sour Dough Pancakes that were divine but in order to make them over and over again you were required to save and refrigerate a cup of the batter every time you made them. These pancakes were forever a Christmas morning tradition growing up until my mom forgot to save a cup of batter. Damn I miss those pancakes! 

Anyways, here is the recipe for Mountain Woman Mary's No Bake Cheesecake:

Ingredients:

1 block of cream cheese

1 tub of Cool Whip

1/4-1/2 cup of sugar

Ready made graham cracker crust

Can of Fruit Pie Filling of Choice

Directions:

With hand mixer, beat the sugar and the cream cheese together. The amount of sugar you use depends on how sweet you want the cheesecake to be. I use 1/2 cup. Then mix in the tub of Cool Whip until smooth and creamy. Spread mixture into graham cracker crust and refrigerate. You can add the fruit when ready to serve. Wa la! It is so easy and always a crowd pleaser. 

I usually also refrigerate the can of fruit until ready to serve. Cherry is my family's favorite but also good is blueberry (expensive...yikes) and strawberry. Last time I was at the store I saw raspberry pie filling (also pricey) so next time I might try a lemon raspberry cheesecake. 

Black Thursday

I love a good deal. Who doesn't? In today's economy people need to do what they have to do to stretch a dollar. Since I am no longer working, strategizing ways to do that is something that I spend a modest amount of time doing. I research the internet for the best deal on what it is I need to buy and I use sites like Ebates.com to get cash back on internet purchases. I cut coupons and combine them with sales to get the best deals. I cook almost all of our meals at home and avoid pricey fast food. I map out my errands for the day to use my gas most efficiently. This is all something absolutely new to our family. When I was working we were eating fast food at least 2-3 times a week and shopping for convenience. Now you can often catch me saying things to my family like, "Now do you think you really NEED that or is it something that you WANT?" or "Let me see if I have a coupon for that" when they request something from the store. My husband often refers to me as a "cheapo" but I prefer to think of it as being smart. Hello? Money does not grow on trees. Money comes from a paycheck and we are one paycheck shorter than we used to be!

I have never been a "Black Friday" shopper. The Friday after Thanksgiving has typically always been a day of rest, relaxation, hanging with the family and putting up the Christmas tree. Needless to say that when the Black Friday ads began to surface and I saw the deals that were going to be out there I was tempted. There were a couple of items that were on my list that had some great deals. Being a Black Friday "virgin" I was terrified of the thought of going out alone in that mess and dealing with all the crazy and possibly not even getting what it was I was going for. Then there was the time the madness was to begin: 10:00 pm. What? I thought the event was referred to as Black Friday not Black Thursday! I am usually at least 3/4 into a bottle of wine by then and enjoying a good game of Left Right Center with my family.  Was I willing to sacrifice part of my Thanksgiving for a good deal? No way! Also turns out that I found a BETTER deal on the same product I wanted before Thanksgiving! Score!

All day today I read posts on Facebook about the good, bad and the ugly of people's Black Friday experience. Some got exactly what they went out for, some didn't. Overall the trend was that most were not satisfied in some way, either the store was unprepared or the people were downright crazy, rude and sometimes violent. What struck me the most were the stories on the news of people camping out at stores since Wednesday to get TV's, video games, computers and toys. They skipped Thanksgiving to buy 'stuff'!! What? I am all for stretching a dollar and don't judge those who choose to Black Friday shop but people skipped Thanksgiving to wait in line for TV's and such! It is a gross display of consumerism and an ugly look into what our American culture has evolved to. Who knows how the mega corporations of America will ante up in the future years to compete with one another.  I have learned to never say never but I hope I never get sucked into the madness.

Sweatpants and Lip Gloss

I swore when I knew I would be staying home all day that I would get up, get dressed, get my hair in place and put on a little makeup. I would never take Kaleb to school in my pajamas and I would never be one of those women walking around the store in sweatpants, no makeup and a ponytail. I feel like the walking dead without a little makeup on and have a head full of frizzy, ridiculous hair without at least 20 minutes of blow drying and a hair straightener. I wanted to make everyday productive and wearing sweatpants and not putting any effort into your appearance gives off the vibe of lazy. It is like a disease and once you start it is hard to stop. Before you know it you are walking around Walmart wiping Funyun crumbs onto your stained sweatpants while using your other hand to put a box of Twinkies in your cart. Someone takes a photo of you on their smart phone and you become one of the  'People of Walmart!'

The first few days were great. I got up, got dressed and put my face on. I went grocery shopping, went Christmas shopping, went to lunch with a friend, went to an event at Kaleb's school- I was getting stuff done. Not to mention I was kicking ass at home. I was cleaning like a mad woman, catching up on piles of laundry and cooking up meals like Betty Crocker. I was on a mission.

Then it happened. Kaleb was sick one day and didn't go to school. I had no where to go so I never got dressed. I never combed my hair. I am not even sure if I brushed my teeth. Neither one of the kids got out of their pajamas either. I still cleaned, I still cooked. The world didn't end. Josh didn't come home and look at me like I was a ragged mess.

As each day passed I got less and less ready for the day. I also started getting less and less done everyday. I didn't even notice it was happening. Then yesterday I saw it. It was time to go pick Kaleb up from school so I went to catch a glimpse of my appearance before I left. Holy mother!  I was wearing too big sweatpants that were stained with bleach at the bottom which had a Lilah Nutella handprint on the knee and was paired with a ratty old t-shirt. My bangs had been on my nerves all day and I kept shoving bobby pins in my hair to get it out of my face without even looking in a mirror. I was a hot mess! I felt totally disgusting. What was worse was that I accomplished a bunch of nothing all day.

This morning in an effort to change the pattern I seemed to be following, I get up, take a shower, do my hair, put on makeup and a cute outfit. I do the same for Lilah sans the makeup!  It took about an hour and a half.  We leave and go to the bank (drive thru) and to Lowe's to pick up a couple of things. We were gone for 45 minutes. We get home and I decide to clean the bathrooms.  I change into sweatpants and an old ratty t-shirt. I spend about 3 hours scrubbing and mopping and getting covered in the smells of vinegar and bleach. My hair is by now in a sloppy ponytail and my eye makeup is smeared across my face as I rubbed my eyes forgetting I had on makeup for once. All that time I spent getting ready seemed like a stupid waste of time.

I did learn a couple of lessons in all of this. The reason why I see so many women in sweatpants, no makeup and hair in a ponytail at the store is because it makes sense. If your day is going to consist of a bunch of cleaning and cooking why would you waste a bunch of time and makeup and a clean outfit to run out to the store when the rest of your day is going to be spent scrubbing toilets and such? The second lesson being that it is okay to have a day every now and then where I don't do anything productive. I am too motivated of a person and will never be Peggy Bundy watching TV and eating bon bons all day every day. I could stand to be a little less hard on myself regarding my duties. Before when I worked I didn't have days where I didn't do anything. I worked M-F and had Saturday and Sunday to do everything else. I didn't have time to do nothing. Now I do. It is one of the reasons why I am finding this gig so fabulous.

My new plan is to think about what my day is going to entail before I plan my level of dress for the day. If it happens to be a sweatpants kind of day I will just be sure to throw on a little lip gloss too!

Pinch me because this doesn't seem real!

Two weeks ago I lost my job. It has been the greatest thing to have ever happened to me outside of meeting my husband and having my two beautiful kids. Being a working mother is tough. You have to somehow try to balance everything a mother is and does in the ridiculously short amount of time left after you drop off the kids, work a full day, commute back and pick up the kids, etc. I found that most nights I struggled to get dinner on the table, make sure homework got done and the kids were bathed. Throw in the fact that my husband works crazy hours and isn't available to help out much and the fact that my job sent me home physically and emotionally exhausted everyday and my own feelings of inadequacy and guilt regarding my duties as a mother and wife - I was a perpetual basket case! I have always been in awe of the women who seem to hold it all together so well.  It was something I desperately tried to be for eight years.

But guess what? That part of my life is over, at least for now and I can't help to feel like I have won the lottery. I  have spent the last eight years of my life being so envious of the women who get to stay home, who have time to spend with their kids and clean their houses and enjoy their hobbies and take time for fitness and whatever else they have a whim to do. Now that woman is ME!

The reality of what the life of a stay-at-home mom is quite different than what I have imagined and dreamed all of these years though. When I first learned of my departure from the workforce I had visions of a spotless home, a rigid learning/eating/napping/playing schedule for my 1 year old daughter and endless amounts of free time to do the things I always wished I had time to do before but never did. Ha! That is as much a fantasy as winning the Powerball is. Being a SAHM is hard work. Have you ever tried to do ANYTHING with a toddler attached to you at all times? Right now she is like an appendage. She is sitting on my lap as I type this very sentence! I only have one child at home with me all day. My eight year old son spends his days as a 2nd grader. The women who have 2 or more kids at home all day...hats off to you.

I am excited to see what this transition from working mom to stay at  home is going to bring for me and my family. For now I do not know if it will be a temporary situation or something I can look forward for years to come. All I know is that I plan to take baby steps along the way and enjoy every single second of it. How could you not with these two?