Do you FB?

Do you Facebook? Oh I know that is a silly question. Of course you Facebook. Who doesn't Facebook? We have it on our desktops, our laptops, our phones, our iPads and iPods. Ok, I do know a few people (pretty sure I can count them on one hand) that do not have a Facebook. I actually have a 33 year old female friend that does not have one. When we gossip and I say "Did you hear that such and such is pregnant" or that "such and such and such and such broke up", etc., and she doesn't know I say. "Well if you had a Facebook you would!" When I ask her why the hell she doesn't have a FB yet she answers that she doesn't need everyone in the world knowing her business. What? Does she not know that you control what you put on your FB? You get to determine what is shared and what isn't. Right? Well unless you have a friend tagging you in posts, pictures and check-ins! I tried to explain to her that she is missing out on a piece of history, a movement that has been engulfed by our generation and every other generation that exists. My 8 year old son is on FB. My parents are on FB. My freaking grandma is on FB!!!! It isn't going anywhere. It is an ever changing cultural phenomenon that good or bad is here to stay.  Facebook is everywhere. There isn't a website I have visited that doesn't have a "Like" or "Share" button on it somewhere. Not to mention the Corporations/Products pages! Do you like Dr. Pepper, Southwest Airlines, or Downey? I do!!

How many times a day to you "check" your FB? I check mine anywhere from 5-15 times a day depending on what I am doing. Hey! I don't have a job! Seriously. I mostly check it on my phone. Every time I pick it up! It is like a reflex to push that the FB icon on my homepage. God forbid I miss anything!   As of today I have 482 friends. I "know" every single person on my friends list. "Know" meaning I  have met them at least once or had an acquaintance or friendship with them at some time in my 35 years of life. Out of those 482 about 100 post regularly (all the freaking time) and another 100 post sporadically at best. The rest of em? I assume they are quietly stalking the rest of us! I personally fall into the "post sporadically at best" catagory. I used to post more but my life has become increasingly dull and I just can't bring myself to post "So booooooored!" or "Just doing nothing" or "Blaaaahhhh". I do LOVE to share pictures of my cute ass kids though. You can always count on me for that. There is nothing wrong with a little shameless bragging! 

So as I was thinking about writing this blog I decided to break down some status categories and give real life examples of status post from my Newsfeed. Ready? I might lose some FB friends over this! 

Political opinions/bashing and Conspiracy Theorists

"I know that HATE is a strong word but I HATE Hilary Clinton!!! Evil Evil Evil!!"

I always try to stay out of the politics on FB. I am not smart enough to keep up. But to each their own opinion...I guess. 

All About the Kids

"I love that all of my children call a fly swatter a "bee whacker!" I was also told by Reese earlier today, "just watch and learn, mom; watch and learn". I love that they have the ability to make me laugh, no matter how much they may have gotten on my nerves throughout the day!"

Brag away! It is one of the joys of parenthood. It is something that helps talk us down from the ledge of insanity. A way to remember that they are not always little pain in the asses that ruined our bodies and made our hair fall out.  

Sport Support

"Goal. 2 and 3 in the last minute sporting 3-0!"

Go ahead and throw in any thing to do with the Jayhawks, Chiefs or them Royals. 

Huh? I am a sports fan in that I like to get drunk at sports events. Go ahead and post them but I usually just skip over those! ;)

Boredom Report

"Bbblllllaaaahhhhh"

Really? You just had to post something but couldn't think of ANYTHING else to say? 

Drama Drama Drama

"Okay. Trying to stay positive because my daughter deserves it. But my other daughter DOSENT deserve whats being thrown her way. Some adults really need to grow up. And I use that term adult very loosely."

You tell em! She doesn't deserve it and those loose adults should just leave her alone! Some people are drama drama drama all the time! Not knocking em. I love a good soap opera! FB was made for my entertainment right? 

Jokers, Smokers and Tokers

"Eyes a Little Low Cause I Twist the Dro......"

"So they ask me what name we want for user name for our wifi.... Of course I went with " pretty fly for a Wifi "

"Let's not forget the one guy in Miami who isn't celebrating tonight because his face got eaten off and he couldn't watch."

These are my favorites! I love someone who is not afraid to be who they are and those with the gift of humor. There are a few people who are consistently funny on FB. I am jealous! 

Vague statements of anger/annoyance

"Actions speak volumes!!! Wow!"

"And you wonder why we want nothing to do with you!"

"SO sick of always trying to be nice & keep my mouth shut!!!!"

OMG! What happened? Who are you talking about? Inquiring minds want to know! Details please! I am guilty of these types of posts. Especially when I was working and always felt like I had something to be pissed about!

Advice Columnist/Quoters

"There has never been anyone exactly like you, nor will there be anyone with your gifts and abilities in the future. Stand up straight, smile and share your uniqueness with the world today."

"Why do some people make the same mistakes over and over...........expecting a different result? Change is not always bad but it is scary at times. You just have to chalk it up as a learning experience, learn from your mistakes, and move the (F#&K) on. STOP REPEATING THE STUPIDITY!!"

OMG thank you! Why am I paying for a therapist again? Kidding... I don't go to therapy. But I probably should.

I am so sick of Facebook!!

"So uh, I just noticed a lot more ads in FB, including in the middle of my newsfeed??? If it weren't for our families being on here...I swear..."

"HATE! want to crush/close account. Where's MySpace Tom??"

Also throw in anything about the timeline or FB design updates. 

MySpace??? Ha. That's some funny shit right there. There are not enough fingers and toes in the world to count the number of times I have seen a complaint about FB itself. It is a free service. We are not required to participate. But we do. Even if we hate it. Facebook: We can't quit you! I have seen a few people make an exodus from Facebook.....but they ALWAYS come back.

Dulldrum 

"Going to the store"

"Just washed my car"

Okay so I made those up! But you know you have seen them. The statement of the most mundane tasks you do. I find myself saying "Who fucking cares" often. 

There are several others categories that deserve Honorable Mention: Prayer requests, Should have asked Google, Share this if you know someone, Check out my Small Business, and everything in between. We share. We share EVERYTHING! And I know I have probably perpetrated every type of status I have named!  

Now if you recognize your status and are upset or offended I apologize. There is a reason I didn't name the authors. But remember. You put it out there. You wanted people to see it. This post isn't meant to make fun of anyone just how I see FB. There is a place for everything on FB and that is what makes it so awesome.  Maybe if I am lucky I will get a vague statement of anger/annoyance written about me today, "No that bitch didn't quote me in her blog!" ;)