6 Months....Really?!?!

Hello there! It has been more than 6 months since I have posted on this blog. I have written about 100 stories in my head, usually while driving home from work. Why is it that when I am alone driving in my car is when my best ideas come to life? I figure it is because I am ALONE! The only time I am alone is in my car driving to work and driving home. I usually have the radio blasting listening to anything but the pop stations my kids love. I don't hate it but it is just nice to listen to something else for a change. Although I think it is the cutest thing listen to Lilah butcher the words to her favorite songs.

It is Saturday morning. Usually by this time we are at bowling, Kaleb bowls in a kids Saturday morning league. He is pretty good and getting better every week. Today was supposed to be awards and cosmic bowling but he has been with grandma since Thursday night and is having a good time and wasn't ready to come home yet. The new season starts next Saturday. No break! Seriously? So when he said he didn't care if he missed today I was totally ok with it. I never get to just hang out on Saturday mornings in my jammies. Josh is still sleeping and Lilah is playing with all her Christmas presents and watching Enchanted at my feet. She doesn't like to be very far away from me when we are home. It is sweet and after seeing my Kaleb grow up so fast I know that as irritating as having a child be your shadow that it is so sad when that time they think you are their everything is over. Kaleb is 10 and he will no longer kiss me on the lips and gives me the head first hug as not to get to close to him. He is busy with learning and exerting his independence. He is so smart and handsome and I can see him and changing and maturing right before my eyes. It is amazing and heartbreaking at the same time. No way can my sweet little baby boy be growing up so fast!

And Lilah. I am so in love with her. Her sweetness and beauty just crushes me. Her love is so sincere and so intense. She is not afraid to express her feelings. She makes me so happy and everyone else around her so happy. I wish she could stay 3 forever.

This year like the last few flew by. It is true what they say about time flying. Time seems to be a short commodity in my life right now. It is the working mothers plight. Never enough time. I work, I commute, I corral my children to their many activities, I try in vain most times to keep my home in good working order. I wish I could quit caring about the state of my house. But I can't. It drives me batshit crazy. It is a perpetual disaster, always seems to be low on groceries and there are piles upon piles of laundry that need done at all times. Who needs clean towels? Who wants Taco Bell for dinner? Here...use a paper plate. I, on many occasions try to plan and organize my life to run more efficiently. It is always in good faith that I do this. In my head I am a machine. A person capable of doing it all and doing it well. In reality I am a machine....just one that is usually a bit short on oil and gas and in desperate need of  tune up. I amaze myself sometimes at the amount of shit I am able to get done. And that my sanity is still mostly intact at the end of everyday. But I am also my own worst critic. My house needs to be cleaner, my kids need to eat better, I need to lose weight, my hair needs colored, I need to quit biting my nails and get some better clothes. I could save so much money if I would just go the store and find some time to cook on that one night in the week I am not carting my kids to basketball, dance and karate........blah blah blah. My inner self is always fighting with itself. "You need to get it together"....."Bitch re-laaaax!". I am really hoping to find a happy medium soon! :)

As the year come to a close I have been thinking about what a great year it has been. My family has been happy and healthy, I got a new awesome job and FINALLY have permanently cut ties with the company that caused me so much misery. We got to go on a real family vacation to 2 places I didn't think we would ever afford to go to, Disneyworld and the beach. I am really pissed at myself for not taking the time to write about our trip after we got home. It was a great vacation and a huge event in our family. Maybe I should still write about it before it becomes just a distant memory. We have the photos but how nice would it be for us to be able to go back years from now and hear the little details in my voice. I think about this blog and how years from now we can all go back and read it and remember things about our life that we might have forgotten. For my kids to know how I felt and get a glimpse of who I was when I was younger. It really is just a great way to document our life together.

So of course because I am neurotic I have a million resolutions for the 2014. Most of them are the same ones I have every year but in summary they are all the same....just to keep improving and growing and doing things a little bit better. And to write more!!! Once in 6 months is just not acceptable. See you in 2014!!!! To it being a fabulous year for all! Cheers!

 

I Got Nothing

I really want to write something funny or interesting but I got nothing. I am pretty sure that I write the best posts ever in my head on my drive home from work. It's a long drive. I find myself here tonight with some of that rare stuff called "time" on my hands. Not because I have just done all that I need to do and find myself bored but more like......fuck all that shit, ain't doing it.

I just sent Kaleb for 5 days with his grandpa. They are driving up to Chicago tomorrow to visit family and have some fun. Wish I was going. I didn't want to let him go. He wanted to go so bad and I didn't want to crush him. It's the first time I have let him go anywhere like that without me or Josh. I trust grandpa explicitly but he's my baby! And I am a nervous, anxiety filled crazy who spends a great part of each day thinking of all of the worst possible things that can happen in any given situation. I am a psycho. I told him I was going to clean his room while he was gone and throw away all of his crap. I know...mean. I really am going to go in there and clean out a bunch of shit. It's hard to do when they are there. Why do they always seem to grow an attachment to something they haven't seen or touched in 2 years? "But Mom, I love that thing!".  I won't get rid of anything he cares about. I guess. He will be back Monday and then starts school on Wednesday. Is it me or did this summer fly by? I guess they all do.

Lilah is crazy as ever. And cuter than ever. She counted in Japanese tonight. I was seriously amazed. I was loading the dishwasher (glamorous I know) and she twirling around in the kitchen just counting away. She picked it up in Kaleb's karate class. Kaleb can't do it and he is the one who is supposed to be learning it. It drives me crazy because when you try to quiz her about things you know she knows or think she should know she always says "I don't know". She knows. She just refuses to do anything on demand. She is so obstinate. If she doesn't want to do something she isn't gonna do it. But if she wants something be prepared to see her go into psycho Lilah mode until she gets what she wants or cries so long she forgot what she wanted. She cried and whined for 40 minutes one night because I wouldn't stop on the way home from daycare to get her a drink at the gas station. Somebody had a drink that night and it wasn't her!

Well, I must go for now but I leave you with some random little bits that if I was genius enough I would have written myself.

 

Chicken nuggets are a food group.....Right?

So I have been busy lately. Like stupid busy. The kind of busy that I loathe. The kind of busy that makes my couch a distant memory. And I love my couch! This new job is demanding. It is demanding mentally, by workload and by time. I am working longer and I am working later. It is stressing me out! I am finding that going from being a big fish in a little pond to being a minnow in a vast ocean to be taxing, overwhelming, pushing me closer to that Xanax prescription I am always talking about getting. It's tough being the new kid on the block. I found 2 gray hairs today. W.T.F!? At the same time......and I know I am gonna sound like a mental patient after all the bitching I just did......but I LOVE my job. I love my boss and my new co-workers. I love that I am treated like an adult and given freedom and flexibility. I love that there is no D-R-A-M-A. I love that when I walk out for lunch I am not verbally assaulted by a bum or in fear of being shanked by a mental patient (yeah that was an issue at the old place)! I know that I will get the hang of it. I know that I will be awesome at the job. Just having some growing pains.

Lilah had dance tonight at 5:30. I was supposed to leave work at 4:00 but could not get out of there earlier than 4:30. I really needed to stay later but I had to get her to dance. I drove 30 minutes to daycare (traffic sucks), get both the kids in the car by 5:10. Drive through Mc'ds' since both kids are "starving to death", get to dance, get Lilah's dance clothes on in the back of the car and get her in class just in time. Class is an hour long. By the time we get home it is close to 7. Thank god we have already had Mc'd's. I swear I have not served a proper meal in my house in a month! I really need to get it together. Last night I did serve some baked chicken (cooked last Tuesday to save my thawed chicken from rotting) and some cooked carrots and applesauce. That felt like quite an accomplishment since Spaghettios, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, pop tarts and fast food have been on the menu of late. If they put you in parenting jail for feeding your kids nothing but non nutritious food I would be serving life. I am not proud of that one. I have got to get my head out of my ass. This sure is the total opposite of last summer. I cooked everyday and spent every waking minute with my kids. That was the life. Really. It definitely beats feeling like a hamster in a never stopping spinning wheel.

I have dishes in the sink, laundry to fold, bills to pay, and everywhere I look is a disaster. But wait a minute....Lilah NEEDS her nails painted. She actually holds her hands up and says to me, "Mom, look at these nails. They are driving me craaaaazy!" This child. Such a little diva. I don't want to paint her nails. I have shit to do...like sit on the couch and enjoy the hour of evening I have left. But the look on her face when I told her no. I don't like to break my baby's heart. So I painted her nails.... and her toenails. See you can't do one without the other right? She actually refused to put on the shoes I told her to wear the other day because they didn't match her purse. What? Who's kid is this? Certainly not mine. I could care less about shit like that. She was born high maintenance. Instead of a college fund I am going to start a "But Mommy I NEEEEEEED this fund". She's gonna break me.

Well I gotta go for now. It is past 9 and the little one needs to go to bed. She won't go to bed without me. That's right. I am a bedtime prisoner.

But I do love the snuggles. :)

Look how great these look! Bahahahaha! She said that the colors go together like 'best friends'. How freaking cute is that?