Losing It

I have seriously become one of those people who cannot function without a large cup of coffee every morning. It doesn't matter how much sleep I have had or if it is Sunday and my main objective is to lay on the couch and watch TV all day. I need coffee! Josh bought me Keurig for Christmas and it very quickly became my favorite and most used small kitchen appliance. I am currently hooked on the Dunkin Donuts Coconut coffee with Coffeemate Coconut Cream creamer. It is seriously the tits. Anything coconut makes me think of some tropical paradise with white sandy beaches, crystal clear water and hot cabana boys who bring a never ending supply of cocktails and give free shoulder massages. I wish. I so fucking wish.

I have been super stressing about my job situation. I don't know why. It is what it is. I have to find a new job. Sucks. I started working on my resume and found a few jobs that I want to apply for. The thought of going through interviews and starting somewhere new and going through training and working different hours and spending half my life commuting just sounds like hell. My current job is a short drive, offers fantastic hours and I seriously rock my position. Losing all of that makes me sad. And mad. There is a possibility that a job will open there in a different department but I am not holding my breath, nor am I sure that I want to go that route. I am thinking that this is my sign telling me to get out and get out now. I got out before and was never happier. I had some serious second thoughts about going back to the madness and turns out my instincts were pretty right on. Why prolong the inevitable?

The stress is really messing with my brain. I am always a bit scatterbrained but this week was out of control. On Monday nights Lilah has dance at 5:30. I get home about 4:15 with the kids and have to get  everyone fed and her ready and us out the door by 5:15. It is totally manageable if I have the sense to be prepared for it. This Monday I was unprepared. I had nothing planned for dinner, nothing quick and easy to make. Shit. Who wants Wendy's? I get everyones order, get Lilah in the car (she has to go EVERYWHERE I go) and head to Wendy's. I get to the drive thru, order our food and pull up to the window. OMFG I don't have my purse! How the hell did I forget my damn purse? Sorry Wendy's dude but I forgot my purse and have NO money. So I have to go back home and tell Josh I forgot my purse. This is embarrassing for me. He gives me a lot of shit when I do one of my scatterbrained things. So I leave Lilah in the car and go back in for Burger King orders. I am not going back to Wendy's. I was embarrassed and I was afraid they would try to give me the food they already made for me and it would be gross by the time I got it home. Josh shakes his head, gives me his order and back out the door I go. By this time it is about 4:40. Lilah and I are not going to have much time to eat but oh well. I get to Burger King, hit the drive thru, place my order and drive forward. there are 2 cars ahead of me. I reach over to the passenger seat to grab the wallet out of my purse only to discover that I DON"T HAVE MY FUCKING PURSE! Seriously!?!?!?!?! I went home to get my purse and well.....didn't get my purse. Now embarrassment has turned to shame. What the fuck is wrong with me? Do I have early onset Alzheimer's Disease? Is the dementia setting in early? I am out of time. There is no way I can get home, get my purse, get some food, get Lilah fed and ready and get to dance on time. Fuck it I am done.

The worse part you ask? I had to go back home empty handed and tell Josh that I forgot my purse again. Of course he thinks I am crazier than a bag of wet cats. I walk in the front door and he says, "Where's the food?". I say "There is no food. If you want some food get up and get it yourself!". Because you know it is totally his fault that I forgot my purse twice. And how dare you think that I am solely responsible for providing food for the entire family at every single meal time and don't you know how much fucking stress I am under? I have to work and do laundry and buy groceries and make dinner and pay bills and clean this house and find a new job and be a mother to two kids. "Eat a fucking corndog!". :) I wasn't nice. It wasn't his fault. Kids ate a corndog and I took Lilah to dance. I eventually calmed down and got over it. We even finally got some food. 3rd times a charm!

Dear Amy

The past few days have been pretty shittastic. First I get a bomb dropped on me Friday and the next day get taken down hard by strep. That fucking strep loves me. I hardly ever get sick, but when I do it's strep. (Did you just picture Richard Branson holding a Dos Equis?) 

Let's start with Friday's bomb shall we? Scene: A roomful of non-suspecting employees that think they are going to have an innocent little team meeting. Ha. Dummies. Enter the Boss, The Big Boss and the HR lady. Um.......WTF?!?!?! Now in all seriousness people my heart dropped to my stomach at this very moment. I knew this was not gonna be good news. And it wasn't. You know that new job that I JUST FUCKING STARTED 7 MONTHS AGO? Well.......it is going to be ending at the end of this year. Now I knew that my time with this company was likely temporary as my employment was a result of a 5 year contract to provide services for a "client". But I thought I had at least 5 years. We did get the  "It is not a reflection of your abilities or performance" speech. Damn right. I worked in the department for 4 years (3 of them with the previous operating company) and I have NEVER saw the place operating with such efficiency. It is amazing how well things can be done when D-R-A-M-A isn't running shit. 

So yep, that happened. I am back again on the hunt for new employment. I was looking through a listing of my old posts before starting to write this one and ran across one I never posted titled "Job Hunting Blows". This was my opening paragraph:

"Do you know what is really soul crushing? Submitting your resume to a million places for jobs you know you are qualified to do and not getting even a bite or a nibble on any of them!! Now I will be the first to admit that my job experience is all over the place. I have been a waitress, bartender, office manager in a dental office, and worked with union retirement benefits. Not necessary a clear path to a career in anything. Now I know for certain that I can do just about any job set before me that has even the tiniest bit of training. Too bad these resume screeners do not know that. I keep saying that if I could just get a damn interview that I would be so hired. Have you met me? I have a brilliant personality! :)"

So I get to venture back out into the land of the soul crushed. And I am so damned pissed off about it. And a lot sad. I work with a bunch of really great people and we really all do make a great team. And I like my job.....so much. I am really just pissed and sad for all of us. But it's business right? 

So Friday after work a couple of us went to drown our sorrows together. But you know what happened? We had fun instead. I have never been one to dwell on my problems because well, dwelling doesn't do anything but cause you more heartache. And dwell we did not. We drank, we laughed, we danced, we just had a good time with each other. We closed the mother down. 

At 6:45 Saturday morning I was very rudely awoken by my alarm clock. W.T.H. Oh shit. I have to pick up the kids at grandmas and have Kaleb to his Saturday morning bowling league by 7:30. Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!! Why did I stay out so late? Why did I drink so much? Why does my head feel like it is stuck inside of a gonging bell? OMG. I have to do this. I can't put this off on the grandparents. These are my kids. Let me just say that the bowling alley is on the list of the top worst places to be with a raging hangover. For shizzle. 

Bowling is over pretty early (apparently I am an overachiever since half the other kids didn't show up for the early ass start time). I go home, eat something and snuggle up with my baby girl for what I want to be the rest of the day. But nope. Lilah has a birthday party invite for 2:00. This is her first "kid party" and she is looking so forward to it. And I happen to know that Princess Ariel is making an appearance at the party and how much that she is going to love it. So I muster up the energy to get us ready to go and we go. She had so much fun. The party was really awesome and I really enjoyed watching her play with the other kids and participate in all of the party fun. Pretty early into the start of the party I start to feel really crappy. I chalk it up to hangover hell and just get through it. The party is over and we are driving home. I start to feel worse. Like horrible, not normal hangover shit. I get home and I go down. I have body aches and chills so bad I can't stop shaking. My throat is on fire and my head is pounding. What.the.hell. I am sick. Like sick sick. I was so miserable all night. I woke up Sunday and was worse. Josh and the kids took me to Urgent Care. It was so crowded in the waiting room. I told them to go home and I would call when I was done. Instead they went to McDonalds. Poor Josh. Had he known I was going to be there for 2 hours he might have just went home. He was unsuspecting of the misery that is the McDonalds PlayPlace for parents. You see, he has NEVER been there before. I guess this was his payback for all the times I went there alone. :)

Urgent Care is full of all kinds of people. None of which were as sick as I was. At least that is what I am thinking as I lay there dying while these seemingly healthy people are all getting called before me. So what if you were here first. I AM FUCKING DYING!!!!! When I finally get called I get my 2 minutes with the Dr. and sure as shit I have strep. I have had the shit enough times I already knew that though. Just gimme the damn prescription so I can go home. I get some Penicillin. He tells me I can go back to work in 24 hours. So Monday's out. Shucks. I was so wanting to get right back to that place I know I will only be working at for a few more short months. Maybe having strep isn't so bad. 

But now it is Monday. I didn't go to work. I was feeling better. No body aches, no headaches. But my throat still hurts like a bitch and there is some serious puss oozing out of my tonsils. Kaleb has been complaining of a sore throat and headache since last night. Take him to the Dr. today and sure as shit he has strep. We must have caught it early because you can't tell by looking at him that he is sick at all. Well at least we got him some meds too and he can go back to school on Weds. Josh is on vacation starting tomorrow so I don't have a good reason to stay home from work again. Damn it.